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Connect me Over to the other side Your strange music Like lucid dreams

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I've been wearing these child-size Mickey Mouse Crocs since last week because I hurt my back and can't reach down to fasten my clogs :( It's the little things to keep my afloat right now In the US, we have a three day weekend coming up. I made a few reservations for the Walt Disney Family Museum and the SF Zoo for Sunday. I will also be dropping off my renewal for my membership whilst I am there. But, if I can be perfectly honest, I am almost too scared to do anything .  I am too scared to go anywhere. I know that we "can't live in fear," but the news and the world say other things. These people also don't spend hours at a time alone and vulnerable on public transit. I've also spent the vast majority of my life living in fear. Trigger and content warnings in place before proceeding.  I don't understand why so many people in my life are so shitty about this. I can't believe so many people in my life continue to mock my very clear and obvious tr

I'm on my way on the road to somewhere Little clouds like wounds that blow away Listening to the radio like a friend that guides me Playing out every song we used to know

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 I posted a lot of this in this thread on Twitter, but here are these same thoughts reorganized in a much better way. Hi, this is me. Unfortunately, a washed out version of me, because that's how cell phone cameras opera, but this is me. I don't use filters or air brush any of my photos because I have facial and body dysmorphia. As in, actually diagnosed, not just learned about it on Tumblr and decided to adopt it as a personality quirk. Here are too more photos of me, unfiltered, and not necessarily the most flattering. No wrinkles or grey hair (knocks on  wood), and not that that really matters. I am turning 35 this year, and this is the first birthday I've really been Not Okay with hitting. There are many reasons for this. My birthday is actually one of my trauma anniversaries and a reminder that my abuser gets to keep living their life like nothing happened and keeps being rewarded for it. I don't even get to have my own god damn birthday. I think a lot of my frie

Who Told Rescue Rangers it was Roger Rabbit?!

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Last year, I started a series on Who Framed Roger Rabbit? You can read the two pieces I was able to complete here   and here  as pdfs. (Also, quick side note, apologies for some of the cut off suggested popular entries/ titles at the bottom of the docs). I originally started this series on LiveJournal, and, because of the events happening with Russia, I am unable to finish them. I started writing it in November of last year, but several things happened between the course of then and now, not just the Ukraine conflict, including multiple deaths in the family. In March, I had intended to work on a piece about Jessica Rabbit now that my life was slowly started to get its way back together, and then the Ukraine conflict happened. There are more pressing things in the world that writing about Jessica Rabbit. To summarize the two articles above: Who Framed Roger Rabbit? is a surprisingly sophisticated examination of PTSD, discrimination, trauma, and trauma-induced substance abuse issues. It

"Like a river been robbed of it's bend A braid you just don't want end": Gilroy Gardens Trip Review! πŸ§„πŸŽ ✨🎒🌳🌲🎑

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  Again, because Blogger does NOT SUPPORT EMBEDS, you can always look at more photos on my Flickr ! I also made a goofy-ass TikTok video (WHICH, AGAIN, BLOGGER DOES NOT SUPPORT THE EMBEDS FOR). On Saturday, a few friends and I went to Gilroy Gardens for the first time! Verdict=it was super fun! We are definitely going to go again! :) I had sprained my back on Tuesday, but I was still determined to go. 1. because there were no refunds or exchanges, and 2. because the person whose credit card it was had to be the person to present the tickets (or something to that effect). I didn't over-exert myself, and there was plenty to do that was relaxing and gentle. It was nice to see my friends and also to meet my friend's girl friend, who is absolutely lovely! We are planning more day-ventures in the future. Here are some photos: This was one of the rides I wanted to go on so badly. We lied to some kids  and said that this was Splash Mountain (and that the reason why the boats kept com

When I always knew what was right for me I'm a ghost of myself like everyone else

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Practice makes improvement! I am not perfect at anything by any means, but I always try really hard. Even if I am not really very good at anything, at the very least, I have that going for me. I try very, very hard. My post vacation depression was delayed this time, but it's still creeping up on me, so I am doing my best to mitigate it. I have decided that I just want to be a Disneyland cat! This last weekend I went to the zoo with my friends. This up-coming weekend, I am going to Gilroy Gardens ! I have never been! None of my friends had ever been, either, except for one who said it was "lame," but WHATEVER. We all have different tastes! I am the most excited about all of these water activities , I am a SUCKER for a fake waterfall. I am also pumped about the monarch dome . It will be nice to do things with old friends, and I am trying to be better about going out and doing things lately. I am trying. I am not good at it, but I am trying. Doing things for me is hard, espe

Take a deep breath and let go You're too hard on yourself to grow

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   As promised, I wanted to give this dress its own entry! I had dreamed of this dress for a long time, and it's weird that it's finally here. I have been very inspired by the way Ashtomaton makes her own clothes all of the time. We have very similar tastes. I also really, really have LOVED all of the outfits she's worn to Disneyland , Disneyland Paris , Tokyo Disneyland and Disney Sea , The Enchanted Forest , Efteling --etc., etc.! Almost all of these are completely made by her! The dress started out as a little sketch *see above. I bought this cute little pattern off of Etsy, thinking of I could just follow the instructions, it couldn't be that hard! Well, one look at the back and you can see that there was a problem. After pulling the pattern pieces from the envelope, I knew I had to call in for back up!  In the meantime, I purchased this beautiful retired bed runner from the Port Orleans Resort at Disney World. It has Tiana and Naveen as frogs (with that ugly and

"...to all who come to this happy place, welcome...": Disneyland trip report, May 2022

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 Inspired to write this based on this post by my friend (I commented on it, too, hahahaha). You can see more photos here on my Flickr  because stupid Blogger doesn't support Flickr embeds  (since I paid for them, GOD DAMN IT).  I spent my entire childhood dreaming about Disneyland. It's sort of remarkable that I even went to Disneyland  as much as I did, once or twice a year, for someone who scores 10/10 on the CDC's ACE test . Disneyland was one of the only things about my childhood that made me feel even vaguely normal, and was one of the only places in the entire world I felt safe.  Being hesitant about recent changes doesn't make me (and others) an immovable spoiled brat. Change is inevitable, and in many ways healthy, but you never know how certain changes to things are going to effect your brain , especially if you are one of those people who looks for certain things for stability. I know there has been a lot of truly, and deeply shitty mocking of this lately, bu