Highwater at Catfish Bend

 On Saturday, I impulsively released my 7th album, entitled " Last Chance to Exit ." 7th Heaven, if you will. You can stream and purchase it here. When I say "impulsively," I mean impulsive. I looked at my bank account and said, oh, I need to sell some records. I had been working on new original material that I didn't want to release just quite yet.  The title changed at the last minute. The current one comes from a lot things. One of which is this sign (something which is referenced throughout the album). The other is just feel crushing feeling of mortality I have that's hit me all of a sudden. I think it was being surrounded by death that just hit me with a ton of loaded emotional bricks. I have been hesitant to release original songs because of the on-going issues I have been having with plagiarism. I know I have mentioned this before, but it's worth noting in this instance. It's definitely been holding me back. It's so exhausting to work s

I have an Instagram problem. It's not exclusive to Instagram. I have always had this problem. Instagram is just where this problem has manifested itself in the biggest way, because it's a strictly photo and video-based social media site and I can just consume other people's pictures. It's not cluttered the way that Facebook is (although I do this on Facebook, too). It's not as chaotic and terrible to navigate the way that Twitter is. I used to do this on LiveJournal, too.  My Instagram Problem is that I spend hours at a time, usually a desktop camp out, where I just pour over other people's feeds and photos. My own Instagram feed is not consistent; I don't ascribe to a particular aesthetic the way some people do. I post things that are important to me. I spend hours and hours looking at other people's photos, living vicariously through them. Living through people's adventures, because I never get to go on adventures. In theory the time I waste doing

 TW/CW: mentions of abuse and disordered eating. Please take care of yourself and do what is best for you, which may not include reading this post. xo.  ♡ A few years ago, I very foolishly thought I was going to marry someone. Spoiler Alert: I absolutely did not and my life is much happier for it. One of the things that I was going to do to prepare myself for being this person's wife was the learn how to cook. I experience a great deal of cooking-related anxiety, as no one has ever shown me how to cook, they've just mocked me for not being able to do things.  (This would be my mother.) Every instance in which I had a recipe I was going to try out, I was immediately mocked, belittled and shamed. Instead of trying to help me like a decent person, let alone parent, would, she crows at my inability to do things. Especially cooking. I gave a recipe or two the Old College Try when I thought I was going to marry that person, and when that dissolved, so did my desire to put myself thr

Well, I got my wish, and it's raining today. I know I wanted rain so very badly because I love it so much. But I realized I did not love it as much at 7am this morning as I had to walk to the bus stop . I woke up this morning at 4am. I had fallen asleep and hadn't put the night lotions on my face or even brushed my teeth. I must have fallen asleep and like 9-something.  I almost got up at 4 just to deal with it, but tried to get myself to go back to sleep. I got up briefly to at the very least brush my teeth, before trying to get a little bit more sleep. I had a brief, weird, and intense dream (I now, of course, don't remember), and got up at my usual time to make my lunch and coffee. I had plans of having waffles. Well, suffice it to say, they, uh, didn't happen. I love the rain. I know that we need it. But, uh, could we have it on days I don't have to leave at 7am? This is pre-shield me. Yes, I am still wearing three masks! Covid still exists! I started wearing bo

 I made it to the zoo on Saturday! I feel so accomplished!!!!  Since Blogspot and Blogger hate me and do not support non-Google based embedding, here is a link to my Flickr album with more photos , and a TikTok video or two from the trip. I hadn't been on a soloventure like this since the pandemic started. I used to do these little trips like this often enough, less so in recent years, but I still did them.  The trip did not go off without a hitch, and I did have one anxiety attack meltdown over the bus stop locations, but once I figured it out, I was fine. The sign for the 58 bus was just a laminated piece of paper that someone had removed, so you just had to know that they stop was there. It showed up on the Google Map, but not the pole itself. The only way I figured it out was seeing the red stain on the pole from where the sign had been. Using the bus method I chose, it actually only takes less than an hour to get to the zoo, even on a Saturday. I am going to be making this

  Tomorrow will mark 20 years since my grandfather passed away. You think with two decades behind you, it would hurt you less. I feel it this year more than I have in previous years. 20 years is a long time to be without someone.  Time is supposed to "heal all wounds," but it doesn't. Our love for that person doesn't change. Some of us never stop grieving. My grandfather's death really set my entire life off on a spiral, and was the impetus for my mental collapse in my teenage years. I realized that with both his death, and my grandmother's, I never fully recovered.  I just stopped talking about it. I don't experience loneliness very often, because I spent most of my life alone. When I think of my grandparents not being here, I get lonely.  There are many, many things I could say about my grandfather, but I want you to look at this photo below. Somewhere in the fabric of the universe, this moment exists forever. Somewhere in the Super 8 reels of eternity,

On March 25th, I celebrated 10 official years of making music with my first official demos (the Sailor Moon tape and the phone recordings of me singing Kate Bush a Capella don't count, I am afraid!). As I get ready to release my 7th (holy shit) LP, which is my opera record, no less, I thought it would be fun to do a little retrospective of my career so far. I'll be including the major works (which includes all of the LPs and some of the truly seminal EPs that aren't just remix or b-side collections). I just want to make it a point to say that I produced, mixed and mastered all of these myself, with the rate exceptions of the tracks that were co-produced by others. I did almost all of this myself.   Too Posh for Gavroche (2014) Bandcamp   Spotify Genres : Dream pop, ethereal wave, avant-pop, w/ some Americana Everyone has to start somewhere, and there are much worse places I could have started. I was really inspired by the freedom early 4AD and Song Cycle by Van Dyke Parks.