unhappy birthday

A week from tomorrow is my birthday. I am going to Monterey to celebrate my birthday, but I am not excited about it at all. Monterey is one of my favourite places in the entire world, so I am trying to feel better about it. Next year I am going to Tokyo Disneyland (FINALLY) for my 40th. 

 I do have to remind myself that this is the depression talking and that I am not just an ungrateful brat.

I know I have mentioned this before, but this year has all of the same calendar dates on the dates they fell the year I was born, and thus this year was supposed to be special--on top of all of the things that were happening astrologically. I've also been repeatedly shamed recently for my age--reminded frequently these days that I am "almost 40"--like it's a slur. Again, I don't know why people who feel bad about their age or aging process feel the need to make it my problem? If you feel bad about yourself, maybe do something about it? Instead of trying to make it a group activity? This year has been catty wampus and miserable--even despite all my best efforts and commitments to not being miserable.  I personally feel really great about turning 39, I feel like I'm having a great time (to the best of my abilities). Why does everyone feel the need to try to tear that down?! Misery loves company, I would much rather be alone, then, TYVM!

I haven't even started packing for my trip yet. It will be nice to go back after 2 years (and quite possibly the worst trip there ever). A nice reset button for it. Maybe once I get a little closer to it, I think maybe I will start to feel excited. I can start to pack and things like that this weekend (in my Snoopy suitcase, jajaja). Gotta plan what I'm wearing--very important stuff! ha!

 I am just going to keep telling myself that the year isn't over yet and that the best is yet to come! Not just for this year, but for life in general!