I've seen all the same and all this tension makes the matter so plain

 It feels good to be back on here.

Just look at all my freckles!

I haven't been able to get on here as much as I would like during the week the way that I was used to. I am a creature of habit (sometimes not for the better!), and anything that deviates from what I am used to is... a problem. I know that it's the autism; we need routine, structure, order, same-ness. We need things to be a certain way, we need certain touchstones. 

Again, I must forever stress that I am not vehemently opposed to any and all change, and that I simply have to question the efficacy of change.

A LOT of things in my life are going to have to change soon. I know this. I have accepted this. But because of my slow/ delayed processing abilities, even so much as admitting that there needs to be a change is a huge step. 

Everything is so unstable and chaotic, and am ever the more grateful to have this very slow space I can be safe in.