I'm waiting for doomsday, ahhhhhhh

One of my train conductor friends teased me today as I was on my way to go do "[my] TikTok thing." Tee hee.

Cardigan: Simple Retro

Blouse, skirt, safety shorts: Amazon

Tights: Target

Shoes: Alegria (Peanuts Limited Edition)

They are so cute, but I'll tell you what, I am absolutely not immune to ads.

The box is my favourite colour in the whole world.

They are so cute and such high-quality shoes.

I wish that I could have enjoyed this meal more. 

Unfortunately, stress is making me so sick right now, I can't enjoy anything. 

I don't know how much longer I am going to be able to endure it. I was up all light night last night crying off and on because I got severely triggered (I cannot say why publicly, but I assure you it was bad) and then my entire nervous system was completely dysregulated.  All I have wanted my entire life was a soft life, one that feels the way that having warm fuzzy grandma socks on in a bed with the heated blanket on. All my life I've always just wanted to feel safe and stable, and I've never had that. I  always thought that "maybe someday" it would get better, but I am turning 40 next year and it never did. 

Normally, I am okay with this. I have made peace with this. I made peace with the fact that nice things and a soft life are for other people, and not me. 

But right now, I'm sad. Right now I am okay with it.