Wasting with leisure and stale as a corpse I crash through the port You may have spirit but I'll never hear it.

 What the hell is "Millennial Optimism?!"

I keep seeing it trending on TikTok. "Millennial optimism [this], Millennial optimism [that]." Since December, I have been inundated with this turn of phrase which has left me confused, and, if I can be honestly, mildly irritated. Does Gen Z hate us or not? Whose optimism are we talking about here? WTF does that even mean?!

Apparently, "Millennial optimism" is an experience, like so many others that are treated as nigh-universal, that I somehow missed out on. Millennial-era optimism refers to the post-Obama glow of optimism (which I, as a student activist during his era NEVER had--IYKYK), more slower-paced internet experiences like Tumblr (which  is repeatedly specifically referenced, and was an actual nightmare for me), indie music, etc. Gen Z characterizes itself as "burnt out," and constantly "doom scrolling,"--as if we weren't all burnt out working 2-3 jobs in 2011, or paralyzed with dread over Arab Spring uprisings, the deaths of Bin Laden and Gaddafi and what those moments would mean for the world, or the European debt crisis. Although many of us did not experience seeing these horrors live streamed every moment of  every day, and those of us who were delayed in getting smart phones were able to keep the constant existential crisis at bay. Or maybe that was just me.

The 2010s era that they are specifically referencing as being some golden epoch was not a rousing good time for me, if I can be honest. I had been promised throughout my schooling that, had I just been plucky enough and gotten all the good grades and worked hard, that I, too, would  succeed. Well, succeed I most certainly did not. I graduated college a year late because of budget cuts, suffered under the withheld paychecks of the Govenator, and was thrust into what was widely described as a "jobless" economy. I had worked harder than most of my peers and my friends, and was rewarded with a fraction of the success they experienced. Whilst I was not feckless, I certainly felt aimless for two years  working multiple jobs until I finally got my very first joke of  a salaried job. It was a time of personal uncertainty, constant worry, constant change, loss, and health challenges.

I will say that through off of this, I never lost my sense of whimsy, my commitment to experiencing joy--- albeit so often taking a modicum of serotonin through even the smallest ones, joy with zero irony--, and my sense of fun. I don't know if I would quantify that as a "Millennial" experience, or just a way to survive multi-generational traumas. You know, NDN stuff, lol. 

I also feel as though, whilst we did have social media, and some folks (not me so much, but others) had messy photos at drunken parties, there was no where near this oppressive constant threat of being photographed without one's consent. The constant pressure to be "on" and to make content (so often for monetization), rather than actually living to live and taking photos because you enjoy them and you want to document your life. You could do things because you were free to do them, and there was no threat that someone was going to take your photo and post it without consent. Much of our young lives were done with digital cameras (if even that), and uploading photos to photo-hosting sites or social media was a lengthy and multi-step process.

I have also seen a trend of having an "analog bag," in which one has a series of screenless activities in a bag--which has, of course, become something else to buy and to plaster all over social media, to make endless TikTok videos and Reels about getting one. I don't know, not to sound like a fucking NLOG or a curmudgeon, but I cannot tell you how much flack I've gotten over the years for still having a bookbag, having hobbies like sewing and making my own clothes, carrying around my sketchbooks (which I have to get back into doing more often), or making paper lists. I cannot tell you how much shit I have caught for not taking to use a QR code for a restaurant menu, or having apps for everything, or digital membership cards. Part of this has always been my internet-related anxiety--I am too sensitive for the internet, and I know it--, but the other part of is is that, because my poverty, my childhood and well into my teen-hood was mostly analog. It took my iPod battery finally giving out for me to switch to using BluTooth headphones and YouTube downloads; before that I was the last one of my friends to get an iPod, and used a Walkman in college (again, I should reiterate I graduated in 2010).

The truth of it is, people have been scoffed at my blogging as being old hat, outdated, and borderline ridiculous. But the truth is, it's something I love, so I do it. I've always liked blogging--both writing them and reading them, and I am tremendously sad that so many of my favourite blogs I have bookmarked  over the years have long-since ceased to be updated. Their authors moved on to other platforms (some of whom I have followed onto them), and their blogs are now just time capsules. I do miss being on LiveJournal and that being so very active and engaging with people I would become lifelong friends with (again, on other platforms). Whilst I do enjoy short-form content, vlogging, YouTube videos, and posts on Instagram, I still just enjoy blogging. I like reading them. I like writing them. I  love people telling a story and sharing things because they took the time to take a photo and talk about it--because they care about it. There is a time for immediacy, there is a time for reading a book, there's a time for sitting and watching a movie, there is a time for listening to music and daydreaming out the window. 

I write this because I enjoy this. I take photos because I enjoy them, I upload them so that I can share them, and I do it all for myself and not for commercial purposes; even in the event that this would become commercially or financially viable, I don't want it to. I want to document my life and experiences in the realest way possible, in a way that is the most authentic to me.

Back at the Millennial Optimism Ranch, I think it's worth exploring the on and off again fondness that Gen Z has for us. Suddenly, because of a concept I didn't personally experience, the idea of quintessential Millennial-ness is suddenly cool again, after an extensive period of us being considered "cringe." (Well, I for one, personally, would rather be considered "cringe" because of whatever I am doing than copying everyone else and doing literal minstrelsy on TikTok, but WTF do I know, right? LOL.) Again, I would not quantify my being the way that I am as being a "Millennial thing," so much as a "you've been judged and ostracized your entire life for things that were so far beyond your control, you've long since cared about what other people think." I do, however, think that living because you want to live and existing for yourself in any way that you can might be. I think that's why the multiple aesthetics and fashion categories existed during the height of our collective youth. We sought things out because they interested us, not because we were going to exist for an external gaze on very large, very interactive, very public platforms. A LOT of alt subcultures have complained about the TikTokification of lifestyles like punk and goth. I feel this is very similar to the Gen Z  recency bias issues; because they grew up with streaming platforms and algorithms and were not exposed to reruns or older media in the same way that we were, they are far less media and pop culture literate than we are. (So, no, you cannot tell someone who grew up with Janet Jackson and  Britney Spears that Tate MCrae is actually any good, lol.)

I do not dress for you. I do not dress for the internet. I dress in a way that makes me happy, comfortable, and suits me. I think that if there is a fundamental Millennial trait™ that I do share with my peers is that we don't care about what other people are doing, and we are not obsessively cataloging or checking on what other people are doing. We are not concerned, and we are certainly not obsessed in the same way that either Gen Z or even Gen X are. If you don't like something someone is doing, turn away from it. Leave. It's really that simple. I don't actively seek out things that annoy me.

The photos that I included in this post, I have never shared publicly before. They're just MacBook photobooth photos. They are just of two friends having fun and laughing our faces off. They were never meant to be shared, they were only meant to document that epoch of our lives--that 2009, post-Obama era where after 8 years Bush, we felt a little safer for a small window of time. Too bad that was pretty quickly stamped out by reality.

The photos are funny, though.