A friendship sadly lost? Well, this is true, and yet, it's false

I thought of someone I hadn't thought of in a very long time.

She was briefly mentioned in this post. I was often begging for this person's friendship, to be seen as a  more worthy friend than [Marian Hawthorne]. I worked so hard to prove that I was more loyal, more committed, that I cared more than the person who was supposed to be her "best friend," but who abandoned her.

 

I will not post photos of her, but I will post photos of myself from the same me period.

I wish to try to remember this epoch because I was in it.

I cannot lie and say it was all bad all the time.

In fact, we had a lot of laughs. She could be quite whimsical and funny. We were often in utterly absurd situations. We laughed a lot, and she rarely took herself seriously. But amidst the laughs and the absurdity, there was a lot of discomfort. She could also be volatile. She was needlessly mean. Her meanness in the face of everything is what made me end our friendship.

At one point, I saw her as my best friend. 

She saw me as nothing.

Sometimes, I still tell people the stories of our dumb adventures. I can at least laugh at them.

I do wonder sometimes if she thinks about me.

And when I think about her, I think about how stupid she always tried to make me feel. I think about how she treated me like I was an idiot all the time. I think about how she acted so smug about everything, like she hadn't repeatedly fucked her own life up, and I was the only person who was there for her when she got out of rehab.

She always said I was "too sensitive" because I wouldn't just take her being cruel.

Some of my biggest bullies were always people who were supposed to care about me.