Don't fight fair and don't you cut your hair Don't you make the same mistakes your father did You are not him

 so,...um

I cut 6 or 7 inches off of my hair.

That was certainly... a choice.

I had a meltdown yesterday. I came home from work, did a few chores, and cried on my bedroom floor for a couple of hours. I am so miserable, I can't stand it. Living has literally become unbearable. My home life is so miserable, commuting is so miserable, dealing with the music business stuff is so miserable, missing out on another audition season is so miserable. I just cried and cried and cried until I felt sick.

I want to do something drastic and visceral. I decided to cut my hair (instead of, tw, myself).

We have cultural rules about hair. We are discouraged from cutting our hair because it holds ancestral memory and power. You usually only cut your hair when someone dies.

I just kept thinking about how my father died earlier this year and it was not the relief I thought it was going to be. I waited my entire life for my father to die.  The day finally came, and it just made me feel worse.

I thought about how much of my life I've lost.

I thought about how many people I have hurt by accident because of the ways that I had been hurt. Ways that I hurt others that I can never undo and have to now live with for the rest of my life.

My hair grows back very quickly, and it doesn't look bad. I did not SH.

It's just something that I need to get used to, I guess.

Top, Skirt, safety shorts: Amazon

Cardigan: Brownie cardigan, true vintage

Tights: Target

Clogs: Sven Clogs

Undies: Playful Promises