If you want this heart of mine Take it slow it’s hard to find No one knows the things I feel Don’t look back, don’t look back

My birthday this year came and went. The weekend before my birthday was  front-loaded with many things. I felt the pre-birthday depression creeping in, and I tried to out run it, but I couldn't. Nothing in my life is about me, not even my birthday. 

This birthday hit me really hard. Like the net of bricks in Who Framed Roger Rabbit?. I have to sit out another audition season. I lost an entire year to a vocal injury that wasn't even my fault. I can't afford audition season this year, because the  viral laryngitis cost me both Christmas and Easter gig money. I have to sit back and watch another season go by without me, as I run out of time in my window of being considered marketable and therefore valuable. I will never escape being Cinderella. I have people in my life that I felt comfortable enough to let into my world who felt comfortable in turn to talk to me however they see fit, and who trigger me because they don't care how they talk to other people. The summer is almost over. The year is almost over. I had to retire some of my repertoire because it makes me cry. I lie in bed at night and in the morning crying because I feel like my time is running out, that I am not going to be able to sing like this forever, and that I was never able to get a change to sing like this at all. 

I am so sad.

I always told myself, "oh, maybe someday," and then I turned around after spending a lifetime of downplaying my own needs and having to wait on other people, and "someday" turned into today, and now my life is over.

I know there are a million things to be sad about and the world is a horrible place. The things I am sad about aren't even worth a hill of beans. But I am still sad.

Anyway, here are some photos from the last weeks or so. They're not in order. 

At least these all look like I had fun.