dove soft twilight skies turn into humid, heady summer nights

I cannot believe that it is July already, and I am trying to not think about it, because the existential dread of the lost time this year isn't sitting great with me.

My EP and new single are coming out on Friday, and I am trying to focus my brain on those things and not the bad things or the sad things.

In some semblance of good news:

Beatrice is responding well to her meds. She has a follow up at the end of July, but I am glad she seems to be doing very well.

My skin is doing really great and I feel really great about it.

Haters can f a w k all the way off. :)

On Friday evening, I was cruelly berated for not ever going out and doing things. I didn't argue, I just said, "ok." (Part of the reason why I never go out and do things is because I spend most of my life doing all of the chores this person doesn't do, and maybe if I didn't have to be Cinderella, I could actually accomplish shit!

Finally on Sunday, I had enough. I kept texting my friends letting them know I did not feel okay, and they were basically like, "oh, bummer." I didn't reach out for attention, and it's not anyone's job to come and rescue me, but like... fuck, show some... concern??? It's what you're supposed to do, right, reach out to people when you're not doing well? LMAO.  Anyway, I had had enough and just grabbed my book and just GOT on the bus and was going to go anywhere.

I made a TikTok of my adventures yesterday, but since Blogger is FUSSY about html, you have to click the link instead. 

Pride was yesterday, and since I knew the City was going to be a nightmare, I went in the other direction. I just did some joy riding of the train and then got off at Tanforan Mall. Interestingly enough, one of my first entries here was about the mall closing, and I am happy to say it still exists! It's weirdly empty, but also still full of people. 

This was really neat and I am glad this exists!

This was a little strange, ngl, but, you know what? I'll take it lol.

I wanted to go in this store so badly, but knew I would spend too much money.

How is this allowed? L O L

Happy to see us on here.

I would almost regret not buying this, but then would be STICKER SHOCKED when I got to the check out counter because my sketch book and bookmark would come out to FORTY THREE DOLLARS!!!!!

I forced myself to eat. They definitively give you way less chicken than they used to.

This got me super emotional.

On my way back.

Oh, Christ, I forgot how bad this book was. Like somehow I KNEW it was that bad, but I always thought that maybe somehow I inflated in my child brain how bad it was. No, LMFAO, it was that bad and worse.

I thought this was hilariously dramatic. 

I ended up spending about $70 yesterday doing next to absolutely nothing: the Clipper Card autoload in transit fees, the sketchbook and the bookmark, and the Panda Express. THIS is why I never fucking do anything or go anywhere, this is absolutely insane.

I drew Huckleberry Finn on the opening page of my brand new kajillion dollar sketchbook.

Since I am re-reading the Twain books, I thought it would be ever so droll to dress for the part. 

The two sides of my personality, summarized.

SO. The Adventures of Tom Sawyer. I read it in about a day, and finished it this morning, along with the notes and commentary in the back of the book. There's been a lot of discussion about it in recent years about it being phased out and irrelevant, which is interesting to me because there were multiple deluxe and luxe editions of it at Barnes and Noble. You would never guess that this book wasn't as popular as it's ever been. It was a hard read, I won't lie. Knowing that it was originally intended for adults, and then was redirected to be marketed towards children makes a lot of it uncomfortable. You can definitely see the divide between Tom and Huck even in this book. Tom is an insufferable egotist who wishes he were Huck Finn; Huck Finn is just Huck Finn because he doesn't know how to be anything or anyone else. Tom is selfish. Huck just doesn't know better a lot of the time. Admittedly, there were moments where I did absolutely laugh. The stuff with Injun Joe was absolutely unbearable, and the part where is dressed up as a Spaniard (aka, a stereotypical Mexican) was what sent me over the edge. I didn't remember that at all, and I think the editions that I had as kid cut that out. I absolutely can see why no one remembers most of what happens in this book, because the bit about them running away to be pirates and then crashing their own funeral is the best part. I will probably do some more review and reflection after reading The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn.

I start Huckleberry Finn's novel tonight or tomorrow. I will probably read it over the course of the week instead of in one day like Tom Sawyer's. 

This week is a short(ish) week with that dreaded holiday smack dab in the middle of it. I am going to try to make the best of it as I can. Dentist tomorrow, stupid holiday Thursday, one step closer to the next weekend and the never-ending pile of chores. I am committing myself to one adventure next weekend, even if it's by myself, which it will most likely be. I am better alone anyway. I am very much like Huck Finn that way.