"what death may join no more let life divide" "dream yourself awake" he calls "eternity awaits us all

Happy Barricade Day.

This day used to mean a whole lot to me, and now means nothing. Some of these songs used to mean the world to me and now mean next to nothing. But I thought they should be here just the same. Given everything going on in the world right now, we could all stand to remember Barricade Day.

Barricade Day (and, basically most of the days this week), have fallen or will fall on trauma anniversaries. usually even if I forget, my body always keep score. Even if my mind forgets, my body will act up to remind me. However, this year, it didn't. The only reason why I even remembered was because someone mentioned their wedding anniversary. 

And then I was like, oh, right. those days. My body did not remember this year. I never dwell on them, but it was my body who brought it back up like a rancid cream. Every year, without fail.

I have always had a very vivid memory, but these memories are hazy this year. Like the Super 8 reel which used to haunt me intrusively replaying the same, now traumatic, memories over and over and over again has rotted. 

My body, which has always kept score, finally whispered to me, "you've had enough of this, I set you free."

"You have no power over me."

I will not take these into my brand new trouble.