Now thеre's nothing to take But preventative measures It's a skip in the tape Won't be like this forever

Hi. 

I am very sad. 

My brain is not well. 

There are a lot of things I need to do right now for myself, and I cannot. I am stifled. There are moments during these days where I feel as though I will never experience joy again. And then I do, and then I don't. I laugh at a meme, and ten minutes later, it's back to thinking that I will never know joy again.

There are things I need to do, and can't. I started packing my things away, and have no where to store where I've packed them and now I can't leave after all. Everything is overwhelming, everything is bleak. I have spent the last week crying every day, multiple times a day. The resources are inaccessible. The help is not there. The emotional support is not there. I feel lonely isolated and sad. I look at the news and want to just lay down face down in the dirt and let Mother Earth reclaim me.

And then I laugh at a meme or see a baby beaver video and for 25 seconds everything seems fine again.

I have cried so much in one sitting in my entire life as I did on Saturday/ Sunday when I packed up these shelves. Now they just sit there packed. I don't know whether to unpack them or not because I have no where to put anything and now it's just packed. I am losing living space. I am overwhelmed, lost and sad. 

At least there are still cute kittens in this world.

My boys.

I was so depressed this year, Halloween came and went. I couldn't do a single fun or themed thing because everything had to go into Beatrice's vet stuff. I was so depressed trying to leave and couldn't. I only got to look at decorations twice. 

My outfit was cute yesterday. I am trying. I am trying so hard.

Bonus: me falling through the door not once, but twice.