Even the ghosts Huddled up for warmth Autumn has come to my hometown 🍂🥮🍁🎑🍃👻: Spooky Season 2023 Reflections & Bucket List

 Here are a few of my favourite images from last year's autumnal activities:

I did so much last year, and it STILL felt like I didn't get to do enough.

I am not feeling either very autumnal or spooky this year, I am afraid. I know it is only the 3rd day of October, but I am not feeling very spooky or cozy or anything.

Halloween used to be my favourite holiday. The "-ber" months were my favourite time of the year, and I would be anxious for their arrival each year. A single leaf on the ground would give me an endless well of serotonin. Now I can barely stand either one of those. 

What used to bring me a joy-high I could ride through to the end of the year is now a crushing reminder of the passage of time, mortality, and torschlussanik--the crippling anxiety of feeling like you (and your life) are running out of time. A remind of another year wasted and almost over.

There have been a lot of discussions about the commodification of fall in recent years, how the internet is basically ruining fall, through its own toxic levels of consumption and obsession. Towns are starting to ban autumn influencers. This  video essay in particular just nails it. It has all become about toxic levels of  mindless consumption. It has all become about buying shit.

It's another reason why I have grown tired of Halloween--Code Orange, all of the events, all of the things--are just becoming about buying things and taking pictures of the cheap and inethically made shit you bought. Halloween now starts in fuckin' JULY. 

I think it all boils down to: everything is  SO expensive now, and nothing is special about it anymore.

And this is not to say I am one of those people who "liked Halloween before it was cool 😤," 1. because, truly, who doesn't like Halloween???, and 2. other people liking the same stuff that you do is exciting beyond words.

As the brilliant video essay mentioned about that so perfectly nails it, there is a lot of FOMO that I experience in the recent years surrounding this time of year. I've already missed the Mid-Autumn Moon Festival (and did not eat a single moon cake 😞😔), as well the Mockingbird Lane Market. Boom. Two things I love looking forward to, gone. As I mentioned before--everything is so expensive, and you have a short window of time. Even if you do things, you never feel like you did enough. I can choose between Gilroy Gardens Great Big Boo or Filoli Orchard Days, but I cannot do both (although I might do Filoli for Christmas this year, which I've never done before, instead). Both are both cost prohibitive and far away. I am not going to Apple Hill this year because of my cat's vet appointment in a few weeks.

4 weekends until Halloween.  I can't spend money because I don't know how much my cat's vet check up will be (even though it's just with a vet tech). I also don't like any of those "haunts" or "immersive" type of Halloween experiences (listen, I have spent decades being stalked and I lived through years of break-ins, I have absolutely no interest in some character chasing or touching me, absolute f u c k that).

I have made a commitment to myself to enjoy these full weekends to their full extent. I am not going to over-book myself. I am not going to stress or let the FOMO ruin this little blip of time.

These are some things I *am* going to do:

• commit to  and document 31 days of spooky outfits (Day 1-3 have already been completed, so thats'...28 days left of outfits? Is that correct? I can't math)
• watch some spooky movies. Freeform has the same damn movies every year they just play into the ground (half of which they play all year anyway??), but I am going to try to catch a couple of them. I am also going to watch some of the free movies that come with my cable on demand (since I pay so god damn much for it, lol). I am not one of those losers who uses watching horror movies as a personality trait, and whilst I love horror, I am very, very, very picky because I have a finite lifespan and I hate wasting my time.
• I am committing to watching three new-to-me werewolf movies and reviewing them, as well as watching old favourites.
• decorating my house with all the Halloween decorations and just luxuriating in my own handiwork (lol).
• walk/(make someone else) drive (me) around the various neighbourhoods looking at Halloween decorations. There are a few houses that change decorations every other day or at least once a week, and those are so fun!
• Commit to doing EITHER Gilroy Gardens OR Filoli. unlike last year, I will not be able to do both, but I won't be mad at myself if I can't do either; they're both about $70, and I can't commit to doing both; they are both also inaccessible to me unless I go with someone else who drives, and I have to be forgiving to myself.
• get at least one of those stupid pumpkin drinks
• buy at least ONE thing (and limit myself to that ONE thing) at either the dollar store or Target's dollar section. Just a little crumb of serotonin.
• get a Halloween themed ice cream on one of these hot October days (the weather here is so bonkers, lol)

I feel as though these things are not only doable, but not part of the toxic consumption problem.