Down by the water You are on my mind Till the heavy weather

I turned 36 two weeks ago.

I am not quite ready to wrap up my New York trip reflections because they're a lot to think about. I am also feeling depression and anxiety around the fact that Summer is winding down and the dats are getting shorter again, and because I had to save all my money for New York,  basically the whole summer had to just train away. And now it's gone. I know we don't get our "summer" weather until now and into October, but waking up at 6 and having it be a little darker than it was the day before has already started to get to me.

My friend Elise is in town, and she and our friend Justin and I hung out on Saturday after my vocal lesson. We hit up old haunts and just meandered like teenagers.

It was so much fun, but it was also hard because I so very rarely go out and do things, to the point where I feel guilty for doing them, but then I also remember how nice it is to go do things with my friends, but then I also miss them whilst I am talking to them.

Sunday, I finally had the house to myself, and I was mentally and emotionally exhausted (because living with a malignant narcissist will do that!), and I just took time to do some chores and decompress.

I am still having a weird, foreign relationship to my face because of comments my "friends" made back in May. I haven't wanted to take or post selfies. I avoid mirrors.

I went outside to do one of my (many) chores, which included watering the garden.

But taking advantage of that Golden Hour lighing.

Taking a break from watering to let the water soak in before doing another round.

The  humidity has been killing me and my bangs have suffered.

I ended up doing something very foolish and cutting them too short.

I know that they will grow back, but I couldn't take how the humidity was effecting them, nor the sweat CONSTANTLY dripping into my eyes. I mean, it will grow back, and I think it will settle into itself after I wash it tonight.

I am trying. Even when I am failing, I am trying.