You push your way through the crowd You want your piece of the world

 I had literally written most of my essay already, and then Blogger ate it. 

I had really been enjoying seeing everyone's joy surrounding the build up to the release of Barbie. Whilst I personally had zero interest in seeing it (although I thought the production design was amazing), I was just going to let everyone had their fun. I did not trust the person directing it, and had severe reservations about seeing it.

Unfortunately, my misgivings and gut feelings were correct.

(image credit @asdzaa_tleehonaaei)

To be honest, whilst disappointed, I was not entirely surprised.

Two incredibly violently anti-Native movies debuted at the box office last Friday, and the biggest take away was that they should be praised by sole virtue of "not being Marvel movies."

I knew that there would be something lost in the shuffle amidst the manufactured outrage surrounding Barbie's "w0keness" (whatever TF that even means). I KNEW that there was going to be something that all of my friends seeing the film and over-praising it would miss. Not a single person I knew who has seen the movie even thought to make mention of the "joke." When I asked a couple people about the "joke," they said they "missed it," or "didn't think about it."

They "missed" and "didn't think about" something that would have completely derailed me.

I legitimately feel sick to my stomach even having to think about going into the film blindly, and being the only Native person in a crowded theatre surrounded by non-Native people who would be laughing at this. I feel legitimately sick, isolated, and scared.

Let me just say something right here, right now: Native people are not here to be sacrificed on the alter of how much you don't like that Shap!ro guy or how much you hate Marvel movies.

We don't get to just enjoy things like everyone else, unfortunately. We can't catch a break. We can't partake in cultural zeitgeist. We don't, and can't, get to be like everyone else.

It's bad enough the only representation that Native people have ever had with Barbie are collector dolls, some of the earliest ones were just of cultural stereotypes, that don't leave their boxes. Frozen in cultural costumes and seen as relics of the past. Of course, our cultures are not relics, but are living, and breathing parts of our identities, but, unfortunately, our cultural dress does not register modernity or contemporary to most people.

I am also genuinely saddened, not only for the fact that, like, damn, Native people can't catch a break and literally cannot enjoy even so much as the insipid Barbie movie, but for the fact that (and this may come of as a surprise) vintage Barbie and adjacent-related characters are some of my Special Interests.

I was raised in The Land That Time Forgot, so the vast majority of the media I consumed or the toys and books I had access to were not new. To be, 1980's Barbie illustrations  were my Barbie. I played with a lot of toys that dated into the 1960's, 70's, and 80's, and I loved them. I had access to the Barbie books, comic books, and other materials. Whilst I did not have very many of the newer Barbies of the 90's that many of my peers probably remember more, I did have some of them.

Not only are these images the most nostalgic for me, but they have also had a profound and lasting impression on my art and personal art style. You can absolutely see influences I have taken from these images, particularly in the way that I draw hair to this day.

Whilst the 80's Barbie images are near and dear to my heart, in terms of influence on my life to this day, in tangible, measurable ways, the heaviest hitter would actually be the dolls from 20 years prior. I wouldn't be Barbie herself, but her little sister, Skipper, and her friends.

I don't think that people can really get a sense of how these dolls--which, by the way, I have only seen images and illustrations of, and have never owned in real life, have impacted my life. Almost my entire sense of style, fashion, aesthetic and image of self (aside from my more Gothy leanings) come from the Skipper and Friends dolls of the mid-1960's. I do not think you understand how much I absolutely love these images, and have both bought and made clothing, in real life, as a whole human adult, in order than I may look even a fraction closer to the above images. My love for Skipper, Scooter, and, tangentially, Ricky, is absolutely unfathomable.

I also just wanted to make a quick aside about Barbie and body image; I had a lot of problems with my body, and Barbie was not in any way part of that. I actually think that Barbie is the least of our problems on that front (the same way that people blame Disney Princesses). I think that there's a lot of responsibility shoved onto inanimate objects in order to shirk  responsibilities as parents. Barbie didn't look like me, I didn't see myself in Barbie in any way, but that didn't deter my ability to play with and just enjoy it.

Unfortunately for Native people, who are seen as the forgotten, especially those of us who grew up in The Land That Time Forgot, really get so little that we get to enjoy. 

sigh.