"You don't know how hard it is being a woman looking the way I do": Jessica Rabbit, the asexual spectrum, and not commenting on other people's bodies.

This essay includes discussions about abuse, sexuality, SA/ CSA/ body shaming/ dysmorphia, etc. There is also some pictures of 'revealing' clothing (though mileage on that may vary)

If this is not for you, please take care of yourself and come back next time for something else!

Tomorrow is one of my body anniversaries. There is that partially true internetism that after 7 years your body resets itself and that "one day you will have a body your abuser has never touched. " Tomorrow marks my 7 years. I thought it was going to feel more special. I thought I was going to feel free once this 7 year sentence had finally be up. It's not. I know I have a second body anniversary in August, so maybe I will feel more in August. But as for right now, I don't feel anything, and in that I am truly disappointed.

The trauma that I had suffered that created these body anniversaries would cause me to have a nervous breakdown in 2017, and something happened: I stopped experiencing almost all attraction. 

UH OH. 

Now before anyone gets their plate of Upsetti Spaghetti, please understand that I have accepted that this IS my life now, and that it doesn't bother me as much as it bothers other people--to the point where I've been told more than once that I am a "waste of a pretty girl." I have talked about this many times before, but this is important for this essay and this context.

I've been ruminating on this particular essay for a while, and I figured that because tomorrow is rather auspicious, today might be a good day to write this.

At the end of 2021, Disneyland announced that it was changing its Roger Rabbit's Cartoon Spin to... update it. Whilst I am happy that Cartoon Spin and Roger Rabbit are staying in the parks, and I am perfectly happy with Jessica Rabbit, Roger's wife, being removed from the trunk of the  Weasels' car, I.... am sorely disappointed by the body shaming of Jessica. Putting Jessica in a  hideous yellow trench coat says one thing to women who are built like this: your body is the problem. (Also, in the film Who Framed Roger Rabbit, Jessica conks Roger over the head with a frying pan, and puts him in the trunk of a car to keep him out of trouble--canonically, it would have made PERFECT sense to just alleviate that little boo boo with just putting Roger in the trunk instead. But you know, modern Disney and their bullshit.)

Who Framed Roger Rabbit is an incredibly sophisticated, nuanced, empathetic, and sensitive examination of bigotry, prejudice, trauma, addiction, segregation, and social change. Who Framed Roger Rabbit has one of the most healthy, mature, and nuanced romantic relationships in any Disney media in Roger and  Jessica. Who Framed Roger Rabbit is a wonderful look at "appearances can be deceiving"--in which every single one of the major players in the film reveals that the way the world views them is pretty much patently false. (By all accounts, the film adaptation is also a vast improvement on its source material.) 

Covering up Jessica's body is not the "relevant" or "feminist" "empowering" take that it was being presented as. You don't have to girl bossify her, she is a bad ass. This is a woman who deeply loves and is dedicated to her husband, who is willing to take a job in a nightclub because the great buffoon cannot get out of his own way, and stage compromising photos so that she can try to save both his career and his life. I know that the goofy Cartoon Spin attraction is not in any way going to have enough time for that  level of narrative, but... like... respect your guests' intelligence a little more. Jessica's cleavage are not the problem here. Society is.

In her own words, "I'm not bad, I'm just... drawn that way."

Over the last couple of years, there has been a fanon theory floating round the internet that Jessica Rabbit is Asexual, on the ACE spectrum, or, at the very least, Demisexual. Now, whilst this has never been confirmed as canonical, and, like all fanon theories, makes sense if you want it to, it's an interesting suggestion. 

Personally,  Disneyland covering up Jessica's body hits a raw nerve. Over the last several years of going to Disney, I have personally experienced a lot of negative comments and outward body shaming from other guests, all of them having been from other women. It has created such an uncomfortable experience, that on my last trip I almost had heatstroke because I was wearing clothing that was too heavy in an effort to make myself as invisible as possible. 

Once instance in particular still makes me feel viscerally uncomfortable just thinking about it.  First day of my August 2022 Disneyland birthday trip, I got DUNKED on Splash Mountain, and had to go back to the hotel and change.  Because all of my outfits for this trip were very *selectively curated* (this surprises no one, I am sure), I had to enlist the C-squad of clothing: a tank top I brought "just in case" and shorts that  I usually wear under skirts or dresses (but are thick enough to be worn as work out shorts, don't worry). I thought, "hey, maybe because I am going back to the park at night that it will be dark enough so that no one will notice my body! :D"

*Narrator voice* and she would be wrong.

In the few short hours of Disneyland still being opened, it ranged from random, nasty side-eye, scoffing, and *deep breath* one (thankfully ONLY one) disparaging comment.

Listen, bitch, I have a lot of friends who are lesbians, who discreetly check out other women all of the time, and no one is none the wiser. You need to have a conversation with YOUR boyfriend or whatever he is, not me. I do not want him. I don't even know why YOU want him. My boobs existing in public is not the Downfall of Western Civilization. I am not out here trying to entice anyone or ruin marriages, I would just like to be less sweaty.

Of course, I didn't  actually say that. I just smiled and said, "I'm sorry, that's not my problem!" in a very nice voice before BOOKING it  into another line option.

The offensive outfit in question, for transparency:

My hair was still saturated in this photo, btw. I also wore real shoes in the park.

I hate that the mere existence of my body just existing is offensive. If it's not my scars which are "disgusting," my figure is "distracting." "Inappropriate." That I am a "bimbo." (And, listen, I don't care if anyone else is a 'bimbo' or not, it takes all kinds, but clearly, other people seem to think it's not only an insult, but appropriate to call a stranger that, to their face, just because they would like to not die of heat stroke.) It's not JUST Disneyland (although it's been especially bad at Disneyland), it's the grocery store, the park, you name it, some bitchy Gretchen has made a comment.

Here are a few more examples of my body:

I bought this top *specifically* because I wanted to look like Jessica Rabbit.

• For transparency, I do not filter my photos, I do not take photos are overly-flattering to make myself look thinner. My measurements are usually 45-29-45 (in inches). And I spend most of my life in over-sized t-shirts and long sleeves.
• I also just want to make a comment that I don't think I am  just so overly attractive and don't sit there and muse constantly about my own attractiveness, I literally just haplessly faffing about like some idiotic Candide figure... probably like Spongebob. Unlike Jessica, I am not sultry or cool or subtle and there is zero mystique, okay. I am a just goofy moron.

At this interval of my life, I do not know what I would classify my sexuality as, but I also don't spend a lot of time thinking about it. Although, if I had to align with something, I guess demi works. I know that labels are valid, reassuring, and  affirming, and give so many people stability and a sense of self.  It's just not that important to me (no matter how many times I write about it bothering other people), but it is something that sometimes I write about to explore. Let me just say, that me rarely experiencing any kind of attraction, being disinterested in dating, not being married, no interest in any of these things, regularly sends people into an Upsetti Spaghetti DITHER. And I mean a DITHER.

They all seem to be more upset but this that what got us here in the first place.  The CSA and physical abuse, the years of stalking, the feeling as though my body is both foreign and disgusting doesn't seem to register, probably  because all of those things are so horrible they transcend the average person's perception. Which, like, I get, most people are not going to have those horrible experiences, and so as someone who has had those horrible experiences, you always try to meet people where they are. 

But, of course, in a cruel joke of fate, I would be *blessed* with *gestures broadly* this body. And I developed early (because OF COURSE I did), and I was maliciously tortured for developing breasts in 5th grade. So, imagine if you will (*Twilight Zone guy voice), having almost all of your seminal experiences with your body being absolutely horrifying in every sense, and then being *blessed* with a 12 year old's face and a Jessica Rabbit body (because OF COURSE I did). Imagine, having a body that is "just drawn that way" and not... meeting the world's expectations.  And that's just it, isn't it? It's the expectations of the rest of the world, based on basically nothing.

Let's circle back to Jessica for a moment; do I think that Jessica Rabbit is actually asexual? I think it's an interesting fan theory that, again, has merit if you go looking for it--you see it there because you want it to be there. I don't think that saying that Jessica Rabbit is demisexual is inherently wrong, either. She openly expresses deep discomfort and outright sadness as being perceived as nothing more than a sex object.  The way that she speaks about her experience is her talking about her body like it's a prison. Although I am sure it was cut for the fact that Who Framed Roger Rabbit is PG, there seems to be some suggestion that Jessica and Roger have a very, um, robust relationship (and he is said to be a "better lover than a driver"). They are deeply in love and deeply devoted to each other. Roger won Jessica over because he made her laugh. Demisexual people, once they have a very strong emotional connection to someone will then experience sexual attraction, and that could be the case with Jessica Rabbit. There is also romance and love without sex. It can also be that because the movie is PG (despite everything else questionable they decided to include, hahaha), they perhaps chose to omit....that stuff. I think it also harkens back to the fact that Who Framed Roger Rabbit is built around subverting expectations, by giving seemingly mismatched Roger and Jessica this beautiful relationship founded on friendship, respect, and devotion to each other.

Who Framed Roger Rabbit can teach us a lot about not jumping to judge others. I also think it's a great reminder to NOT COMMENT ON OTHER PEOPLE'S BODIES. Someone existing in a public space is not a  blank check to just be an asshole. You shouldn't comment on people's bodies, period, but I think it's especially invasive to comment on people whom you don't even know. Jessica hides the very real pain of having a body she is deeply uncomfortable in the way in which it's perceived, and that somehow that is a moral judgement on her. I experience a great deal of pain and discomfort having experienced extreme violation, and then, of course, having a body that just seems to illicit a lot of judgement and expectation, when I am just a little weirdo who just wants to live.

Unfortunately for me, unlike Jessica, there is no hammerspace bear trap happening in my cleavage.