✧A throne of white ivory, a gown of white lace Lies still in the magic of a timeless place.✧

“i like drinking coffee alone and reading alone. i like riding the bus alone and walking home alone. it gives me time to think and set my mind free. i like eating alone and listening to music alone. but when i see a mother with her child, a girl with her lover, or a friend laughing with their best friend, i realize that even though i like being alone, i don’t fancy being lonely. the sky is beautiful, but the people are sad. i just need someone who won’t run away.” ~hanna nelson

Autumn is here. 🍂🍁🌰

It's dark in the morning when I leave now. My feet are always cold. I drink my coffee at my desk in my dirty owl mug, next to my golden owl desk lamp which is turned on during these cold but golden days. My little lantern my niece gave me is turned on an lit during certain hours of uncertain darkness next to my ceramic owl. I do love my owls, I am a bad Indian, I guess. 

I try to transition my wardrobe to more autumnal palettes, even if that's most of my wardrobe is that anyway. I try to remind myself to wear extra layers, bring a scarf. It's usually cold where I am anyway, rarely tapping above the high 60*'s. But when Autumn comes, and the light becomes more and more scarce, the cold just hits different. The darkness is a cold blanket that envelopes the world, and it held at bay by a little lamp or two.

Because Autumn, and, reciprocally, now Halloween, have become as over-saturated and as hyper-commercialized as Christmas, it has lost its specialness. Not in the hipster, "I liked it before it was cool!!!" sense. In a sense that really counts it as a loss. I look back on my old posts of LiveJournal and I look at the drawings I have done this time of year, and I really have always taken comfort in the Autumn. 

I mentioned this previously, but my sister and I are going to Gilroy Gardens for their Halloween shenanigans this weekend. Maybe it will feel like Fall then.  I know it's only the 6th of October, but it already feels like Halloween is over because now Halloween starts in fucking JULY, AND I AM SICK OF IT. We can't just LOVE things anymore, EVERYTHING HAS TO BE SO TOXIC. We can't even just passively enjoy what we love, everything has to be at these absolutely fucking toxically consumed. I still feel like the best Halloween in years was the one in 2020 because no one could do anything and we just had to make our own fun. I have to plan something cute to wear for Saturday (and hope it can handle the 80*-something or almost 90* of Gilroy)

I see some decorations out and about. I will go for a walk later this week and  go up and down my street to go look at the ones that are up now.  I love the Halloween decorations in my town. I know it's very silly, because when I am out walking about I am in grimy workout clothes, but I wish to walk about this Fall ~*aesthetically*~. Even if no one sees me or there is no one to take my picture, I want to have done this for me. I want to know that this year I made an active choice for myself.

There is a comfort in Autumn,  I think.  Autumn forces us to do a few extra things for ourselves as the world grows darker and colder. It makes us nurture ourselves as the natural world sheds  the things it can no longer use or sustain and lets them fall so that other beings may use them. The leaves we love to see and crunch in and take *aesthetic* photos of our feet with become homes for little animals and nutrients for our Earth Mother. It's not a loss, it's renewal.

The Full Moon is this weekend. I cannot wait to feel particularly wolfie and witchy for the season. Maybe that's what I will need to really feel as though Autumn is here.