A-this could only be the way it's meant to be. Fairy castle stark and black in the moonlight--

 It's so dark now when I leave.

I get it, that the sun gets up later and later, but it was such a jump from yesterday to today in terms of the darkness.

I had never experienced SAD before 2020. I had obviously suffered from garden variety depression my entire life. My days have been so much longer because of Covid these last couple of years, and I think for the first time ever I feel the changes and the darkness more acutely.

I have a couple of lamps in my work area for this time of year, because I get so little natural light in the autumn and winter months. My niece gave me the above lamp (one of two, hee hee) last year for Christmas. She is such a thoughtful and special little girl.

I also get so much anxiety and  get such terrible depressive episodes on my days off that I can't go outside. Like on Sunday I had the house to myself and I had absolutely everything to do and it was so nice outside. I was supposed to go somewhere and do something, but everyone bailed on me. So I just had to stare at the nice day outside feeling like there was a prison in my entire chest. I am trying so hard to enjoy the Halloween season, and we are only on Day 4 and I am over it.

I have started re-recording my opera album! It's going to be a lot of work, and I am treating all of the arias like they are brand new to me. I am studying the new accompaniments every day, doing active and attentive listening and thoughtful consumption. Making lists and taking notes.

I am trying. 

Although, I saw raccoons this morning. I feel as though that's always a good sign.