the things i thought i knew and sabotage the mirage of our future cause if i were a winner

I bought a hat! Did I need this hat? No. Did I want this hat? Yes. I bought it so that I could *very specifically* look as much like Huck Finn as I could get away with.

 

I know that other people who would wear the same hat would look cute and chic, but I,  unfortunately, would just look like Dead Eye from The Rescuers and I simply embrace that. Not in a Not Like Other Girls way, obviously. 

 

I guess that kind of hat is a dime-a-dozen kind of hat that's very popular with Instagram. That's great, I mean if people look good in something or like something, I don't see the harm in it.

I have been thinking a lot lately about how so much of what we see is fake. I have always made it a point to not filter my photos. The one on the left has a rarely employed filter, but, just for transparency

 

Here are some photos from that "shoot," lol. All unfiltered. Nose hairs and all.

I don't want to use filters. I don't want to look back and remember my time in a filter. I want to remember things for how they were, how they actually looked, and now I actually looked.

I am never been someone who diluted themselves to fit somewhere. If that somewhere was somewhere I didn't belong, I wouldn't be there. If something is popular, I don't care. If something is not popular, I also don't care. I just want to live and do things because I want to enjoy them, and pay little mind to whatever other people are doing. As long as it doesn't harm other people, of course.

I don't buy things for Instagram. I have no one to take my photos, because I don't see very many friends anymore. So I buy things for me. Things I want to wear. Things I want to feel good in. No one is going to take my photo wearing the Huck Finn hat, I am just going to wear it and live out my maladaptive daydreaming to the fullest. I didn't buy it for Instagram. I bought it because my heart wanted it.

Because all my heart really wants is to be Huck Finn.