Well, if you've seen true light, then this is my prayer Will you call me when you get there

 

Well, that was fast.

Spinnup did NOT reject my submission and in fact, I got the email this morning saying it was off to the various platforms. That went nice more smoothly than I ever could have imagined. That was FAST. I think I shall count it as a Nice Thing that has happened.

I am very tired.

I am emotionally tired. I am physically tired. 

I am very tired.

If there is one thing that this pandemic has taught me is that I enjoy being alone. I can spend days not interacting with other people. I enjoy it.

I've spend more of my life than not being isolated from other people. It doesn't really bother me because that's just how most of my life has been lived. I find over the course of this pandemic, that I enjoy very much being alone, and am happiest when I am alone.  I find joy and solace in being alone.

I've grown less and less patient with people whining about problems they could absolutely fix, because they don't want to fix anything, they just want to wallow and I absolutely cannot fucking deal with it.

But back to being alone. I honestly feel suffocated in many ways. I am constantly and inescapably surrounded by people, people who want and have to have my attention at all times. I just want to sit in my room and be with my cat and not have to cater to or wait on people.

And before anyone says anything, no, it's not depression. It certainly doesn't feel like depression. In fact, when I am alone, I am at my most content and happiest. I don't find "company" and "connection" rejuvenating or fulfilling. It's just taxing and exhausting. I feel like when I am alone, I can FINALLY BREATHE. The more equidistant I am from others, the happier I am. Truly.

I have been trying to force myself into better moods, and I cannot tell you how much JOY this album brings me. It is physically impossible for me to be in a bad mood whilst listening to this album.

Just me and a cup of coffee, sitting with my cat, and listening to this album. Pure bliss.