Wonder how the view is from there I wouldn't know 'cause I like to sit Upon the floor, yeah upon the floor

 *sigh*

(Photos are from around the internet, mostly from the Disney websites themselves.)

I miss Disney.

I know that the Disneyland in Anaheim is the forever-park of my heart, but it's changed so much in ways that my heart can't handle, and especially after the nasty experiences on the last 4 trips, it's better if I leave it behind now. I can't get upset about things that I have no control over. And if I never go back to see them, they will play on forever the way they were in my mind's eye Super 8. I know I have talked about this before, and will probably talk about it again (I mean, it's my damn blog, I will do what I want!!)

I have had a passport for 4 years and haven't been able to use it. For years there was a hold on my ability to get one because of my kidnapping attempt when I was an infant (don't ask), and I finally was able to get it in 2019--right before the whole world shut down. For four years, I have been waiting for the right time to finally use my passport which I had fought so long to get. 

I love Catherine Kay's travel videos, and it has really inspired me to want to travel. I love her videos and her wholesome content. She travels a lot and goes to the Disney parks a lot, and recently took some very beautiful footage of both the Disneyland Paris and the Tokyo Disney parks. I've said for a while now that if I were ever to go back to Disney, it would be one of those parks.

My plans about going next year have basically been thwarted by everything going. It's not just the personal, it's also the global. Paris is hosting the Olympics next year (so there goes that!), and getting tickets for Tokyo Disneyland is impossible as a foreigner. I do have a friend that lives there and had plans on going with him (so maybe it might be easier if he got the tickets for us since he lives there?). I might do those next year as a fall trip (although I still might shoot for May for Tokyo because I don't want the Haunted Mansion Holiday Layover, I want to see the Beating Heart Bride!!!).

I know I know I know, and I've said this before, I loath to be THAT American that goes to foreign countries to go to theme parks, let alone Disney ones, but like, fuq, man, let me live!!! I've never been anywhere!

Everything I want in this life (foreign Disney trips included) is just out of reach--if I only had just a little bit more, a bit of a break, even so much as a pause from the constant onslaught of horseshit, all of these things could be doable. I went on two trips this year--a day trip to Monterey, which I actually very much enjoyed, and NYC--which I... regret spending so much time and money on. I did have fun and it was nice seeing people, but there were things about it that were not so nice, and I did put myself at risk with my body and brain not communicating.

Naturally, whilst everything is unattainable for me right now and my funds say that I can take a trip to perhaps the backyard, I am maladaptive daydreaming my whole fokkin' life away planning the outfits I would wear to either Disneyland Paris or Tokyo Disneyland. If nothing else, I will always plan what I wear! 😜 I bought fleece/ thermal tights from Amazon, and I will test them out this week (especially since it's in the 40's when I leave in the morning now, and I refuse to give up my mini skirts!!!😤 ).

All I do is dream, it seems, but I refuse to give up my dreaming, for it's all I really have.