When I always knew what was right for me I'm a ghost of myself like everyone else

Practice makes improvement!

I am not perfect at anything by any means, but I always try really hard. Even if I am not really very good at anything, at the very least, I have that going for me. I try very, very hard.

My post vacation depression was delayed this time, but it's still creeping up on me, so I am doing my best to mitigate it. I have decided that I just want to be a Disneyland cat!

This last weekend I went to the zoo with my friends. This up-coming weekend, I am going to Gilroy Gardens! I have never been! None of my friends had ever been, either, except for one who said it was "lame," but WHATEVER. We all have different tastes! I am the most excited about all of these water activities, I am a SUCKER for a fake waterfall. I am also pumped about the monarch dome. It will be nice to do things with old friends, and I am trying to be better about going out and doing things lately.

I am trying. I am not good at it, but I am trying. Doing things for me is hard, especially since I have to been so responsible for so many things and so many people in my life. It's hard to just do things when you are the responsible one.

I... also don't have a washing machine, and that's sort of held me back on wanting to go out and do things and "waste" clothes. I bought an off the grid clothing washer from The Laundry Alternative. I bought the pink one. It's VERY effective, and holds about as much in it as a normal washing machine (a little less). It's a LOT of work. It's certainly been giving me an arm work out (which I don't mind). It's just having to plan out my life based on how MUCH I am going to have to do, you know? Like I can't just get up and do things, I have to think, "oh, I have to get THIS much work done before, I go, I have to think if I really want to waste clothes like that, etc. Hopefully, we will get a new washing machine soon enough, but for now, it's another thing that sets off my depression brain, because it's an obstacle that just seems unsurmountable.

Hey, just think--people people whom I absolutely despise were married these last two weekends, two people who I consider scum of the earth, and someone, in fact, TWO someones, were stupid enough to become legally attached to those absolute pieces of shit, so whilst I may not have my life even remotely together, I am not getting into that kind of legal contract with anyone. SO IT GOES, I GUESS.