And the little white dove Made with love, made with love; Made with glue, and a glove, and some pliers

 

I am sure myself, much like everyone else on this planet, is watching the conflict in Europe unfold. I don't feel comfortable saying anything about it, and, for the most part, have refrained. This is beyond my scope. I know it's not as simple as American propaganda media is making it seem. I have chosen to only get my news from Reuters, and focus on the little moments, and stories of hope. I am not choosing to look away out of selfishness; we are not meant to consume images of war, kitten videos, and then an advert for butt smoothing cream one after the other like that. I check Reuters a couple of times a day, even if it's just briefly skimming the headlines to get a SparkNotes version of world events, and then close it. It wouldn't do me very much good to be afraid. Everything just feels all at once precious, insignificant, vast and minute, all at the same time.

What I can't handle are people who just zero in on their own very privileged problems all of the time, non-stop, 25/8. I don't mean to be a terrible friend, but there are certain things that I just can't listen to anymore. I know that everyone's life is different and we are all at different levels, and it's not fair to compare traumas, but sometimes you just have to tell someone to shut the fuck up. I always try to be as empathetic as humanly possible, but even I have my limits. Everyone has problems great and small, and it's not fair to compare, but, oh my God, for the love of God, some introspection, PLEASE.

Everything happening lately has made me want to appreciate little things more, and do things more, even if they are by myself. I know I am trying to break the habit of feeling comfort in being alone all of the time, but there is just something to be said about being alone for me. I like being alone. I want to go to the market alone, drink my coffee alone, go to the library alone. I guess because I spent most of my life alone, it's how I feel the most comfortable. I AM trying to break the habit and get out of my comfort zone of my solitude. I mean I also don't really want to spend any money right now and gas (for others, because I don't drive) is astronomical, but I have been dreaming about a Yo-Kai Express, maybe trying the second location of Burger. in the Santa Cruz mountains, or maybe even finally seeing the Brookdale Lodge (but ONLY if the Brook Room is open!--which it isn't-- yet)

I mean, COME ONNNNNNNNNN

I've been thinking a lot about my trip to Pacific Grove, and how nurturing and replenishing it was for me. I really think that the ocean and the redwoods are healing entities, and we have to listen to them more to figure our own selves out. It's too bad that I am disabled and that these places are largely inaccessible, hahahha.

Anyway, there is no shame in grounding yourself with the little things right now, and remembering that even in times of great chaos, darkness, and loss that joy can be found and that beautiful things exist.