Planting seeds, idle hours Chained to my reflection in the shadow of a mountain

 Yesterday was exactly what I needed.

I am not well. I have not been this unwell in a very, very long time. There's a sensation that can only be described as floating right before you plummet into a debilitating crash. Sick with grief, fear, uncertainty. The dread of the unknown. The inability to read inauthentic social cues sending yourself into a PTSD and rumination spiral. Embarrassment over failures in social situations. My entire body, heart and soul, are just beyond knackered.

My friend Elise is in town, and we were finally able to hang out. After three days of non-stop sobbing in bed, she managed to get me out of the house.

These photos are my no means a paean to the sheer majesty of this location, but it helps me to remember. Where I live is so special, how often I forget how beautiful it is. 

The full moon is tomorrow, and I am feeling its effects already. Look how full it is.

There is something about the beach at sunset that just fills me with bewonderment, and makes me feel as though I am precious and small next to it.

I don't know why we found this so funny.

I look like Darla from Finding Nemo.

 I recently discovered  a recording of "You'll Never Walk Alone" from CAROUSEL by Glenn Campbell. Well, talk about a rocket to the tear ducts. I thought about that this morning when I was standing on the train platform looking up at the cloud break from the rain.

It was very difficult to get up this morning. It was difficult to get dressed. It was difficult to go about my life as though nothing were wrong.

Cardigan: second-hand, true vintage 1950s (sadly, it also rained unexpectedly today, and this was all I had!)

Blouse, skirt, safety shorts: Amazon

Tights: Target
Shoes: Sven Clogs

My eyes are still recovering from days and days of crying. I am trying to catch up to the dehydration by replenishing the liquids in my body. In my day-to-day, I feel insignificant, fragile. Next to the ocean, I feel precious, even if I feel just as small. 

I tell myself that tomorrow is another day, and it's just one day at a time because that's all anyone can really do.